So, after looking into the adoption process and policies in Canada, I've come to the conclusion that there just isn't enough supply to meet the demand.
I suppose this isn't too surprising considering how yuppie-liberal and queer couple-saturated the Canadian population is becoming.
Also, take into account the rate of women who are actually brave enough to cross the picket lines of the local hospitals on 'Abortion Tuesdays'.
Sure, yes, this is a great thing. Children have homes.
But you know what? This screws me!
I don't want to wait for five years to adopt a kid. I certainly don't want a turkey baster anywhere near me, either...
I think it's time to get into the baby cartel industry.
To start your very own baby cartel you will need:
-1 black, plateless, Chevy Astrovan
-an arsenal of lollipops and Nintendo Wii's
-1 cargo ship complete with baby-proof freight holders
-several 'baby bodegas' fronted as nothing more than your average convenience store
Anyone interested? Let me know.
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9 comments:
But hey...aren't you in China? Can't you just go to one of the many orphanages there and bring one home?
You could set up the baby cartel in China, and ship babies out here to Canada.
Like people smuggling.
Can I interest you in our new Cantonese babies?
They are sleek and quiet.
I'm selling a russian baby, slightly used, 9 pounds, rosy red cheeks with a charming personality. Still has that new baby smell. 500 dollars OBO.
Do the Cantonese babies come with a Cantonese or English operation system? I can't abide a 500 dollar purchase that comes at me screaming in some incomprehensible language with shit in it's little trousers.
I said 'quiet' and I meant it.
Our babies come sans vocal chords to avoid those 'pesky middle-of-the-night cries' so that parents can sleep easy.
Our babies come with fully operational hands that are ready to sign in standard international sign language.
The Cartel Baby: Quiet. A different kind of baby.
Wanna broker me up something that could cause a baby?
You're left to your own devices, breeder.
Oooooh...
...breeder. Disturbing or attractive?
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